If the Frequently Asked Questions listed below don't cover your concerns feel free to call and ask us directly. Simply leave a message on our confidential answering machine and we will return your call as soon as possible. Please let us know if there are different numbers for daytime and evenings at which you can be reached, and up until what time we can return your call. If you are not home when we call and you would prefer us to not leave a message, let us know that when you call.
A#1. Well first of all, it's quite understandable that someone is
reluctant at first to see a complete stranger about such personal matters
as an intimate relationship. Often one partner is more interested or
reluctant than the other.
Prior to setting-up an appointment, we are available by phone for either
one or both partners to talk and answer questions. We can offer
reassurances of our strong commitment to not take sides but rather to help
each of you see and understand the validity of your feelings. In the vast
majority of cases people get over their reluctance quite quickly. Our
relationship specialists all believe it is important for each person to
feel safe, understood and empathized with. Even when someone has acted
inappropriately, we avoid judgment or criticism. Our approach of creating
safety allows and encourages people to open up and disclose vulnerable
feelings. When this happens empathy is much more possible, (even for the
person who has felt hurt), and taking responsibility for negative behavior
is much more likely to occur.
A#2. Let's first discuss how often to come. It is best when you start to
come to do so, weekly. A weekly schedule gives you and your counselor a
chance to build trust and establish a regular rhythm that is helpful in
keeping both of you on the path that will restore intimacy and connection.
It takes a while to become aware of how each of you gets stuck in a
certain repetitive cycles, over and over again. You will be learning how
to slow down and maneuver the tricky and slippery slopes that cause these
patterns to pull you in.
How long until both of you feel really good and are able to maintain the
benefits of therapy on your own is highly variable and hard to predict. A
lot of couples fall somewhere in a range from 3 months to 12 months. Some
longer, some shorter. We welcome hearing how you both see your progress
and when you feel you have met your goals. We will also checking and
discussing your progress with a view to having you leave as soon as
possible.
A#4. We will attempt to answer this important question by painting a brief
picture of some of the difficulties that couples typically
Inevitably. there is some loss of the deep feelings which brought them so
close together. Despite their best intentions, many couples find it not at
all easy to maintain the closeness and intimacy of their loving
connection.
At the same time as each person needs to feel closely connected as part of
a twosome , each also deserves to be respected for the differences and
personality traits which define them as an individual.
Herein lies a modern day dilemma -- how to find ways to be intimately
bonded as a "we" while maintaining and respecting each person's right to
be an "i" -- an individual with one's own ideas, feelings and perspective
on life. (Please note, this is a substantial change from a few decades
back in time when there was less room for, and even greater suppression
of, individuality).
Gradually, as these differences between partners become more evident and
pronounced over time and with the complexity of our modern culture ---
disappointment and disillusionment set-in. The wonderful old feelings of
secure attachment and everlasting love may be called into question as
doubt and worry emerge.
The struggles between the "i's", can often result in stressful &
upsetting interactions.
To overcome this some couples will try to avoid conflict by resentfully
complying --- slowly, gradually distance grows. Other couples engage in
angry escalations to eliminate the threat of differences, hoping that one
person will prevail. Both of these responses, or a combination of them,
result in emotional pain, distance and isolation.
Therapy can help couples reduce emotional reactivity to one another by
creating a temporary model of a "safe haven". In this mutually supportive
environment finger-pointing, anger and defensiveness can be set aside, and
each person can feel heard and understood in new ways. We help couples to
express themselves in better ways so that the hidden validity of their
most authentic feelings can be understood. Gradually, their reactive
interactions slow-down and calm down. As fear diminishes, angry
escalations recede. This leads to a softening of the blaming and lessening
of distancing patterns that so often are sure signs of stuckness and
barriers to reconnection. This mutually supportive "safe haven" invites
the understanding and empathy that allows a major shift and restores
loving feelings.
We will help, coach and encourage you to structure new interactions and
sustainable ways of staying connected. Our goal is to help you develop the
skills, and renewed emotional trust , so you will be able to sustain these
benefits and take home your own "safe haven" as quickly as possible.
A#5. We do not bill, or accept third party payments from any insurance company for our services. We will, upon request, provide a billing statement for you to submit to your insurance carrier for reimbursement based on what your policy allows . The specific eligibility and amounts of coverage vary so widely from carrier to carrier that you will need to call your insurance provider and make this determination yourself. For more information please check our fees page.
A#6. Many of our relationship specialists do see clients in the evenings and some on weekends. Please discuss this when you first call. We will make every effort to find a regular time that will work for both of your schedules.
A#7. At the Couples Center we are committed to impartiality and to the well-being of the relationship as our primary focus. This is an issue that should be brought up with your counselor right away so it can be openly discussed. If you or your partner should ever feel you're being misunderstood by a Couples Center counselor, or being treated unfairly, we ask that you let us know so it can be discussed and addressed. We are sincerely committed to creating a therapeutic environment where each of you feels safe, fully understood and treated fairly and equally.